Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Being Happy

I was so happy when I was given a long break from the chemo over the Christmas period.I filled every moment,I saw my family,even my first husband who happened to be staying with one of my daughters.Everything was a joy.I bought a new coat and a couple of tops.I have lost so much weight
I must frequently look like a poor bag lady,I find safty pins the most useful to keep things from falling off as a skirt did one day when we were out at a flea market.I could only step out of it and as luckily I was wearing black tights I shoved the skirt into my bag and walked to find Tony who then stood guard around a quiet corner and I put the skirt back on securely fixed I hoped with a safety pin.
In February I had another scan and inspite of all the chemo the cancer has spread.So I have begun a new course and whenever I feel reasonable spend time in my workroom. I have painted and painted,many awful messes but love doing it and sewn a few things, again the only reason I am proud of them is that I tried and will continue. So  the wonder is I feel happy most days,good friends call to see me,I talk with my children frequently, I can eat fairly well, and I have my workroom to play in.Then best of all I have Tony who cares for me so brilliantly.

Sunday, 12 January 2014

Being more positive

Am hoping a friend will soon stop by and help me change the side panels on my blog.I start more chemo very soon and want it to be a more positive time than befor.Made lots of plans
and lists of things I think I will be able to . The chemo is not going to be so strong this time so I am not panicing.

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

A surprise through the post.

My daughter took 3 of my paintings to England the time befor this weekend when she visited me.I had asked her if she could get them framed for me because here it is extremly expensive. She showed them to  an artist ,Brian Oxley, I had bought a painting I love from him many years ago. She wanted  advice on the framing,instead he framed them. He wrote to me saying they were excellent and would like to buy one if I were to bring some over next time I am in England. I have loved painting but since they are abstract essentially,well to me, sort of arranging colour I couldn't imagine anyone thinking they were good or even interesting .I put on layer after layer until a moment arrives and I know its time to stop.I wish I could download a photo of one or two but this computer still refuses to download them. .It gave me a huge lift. Tony hit on the idea of buying me a table like the ones they put over you bed so you can eat in hospital.I shall have one here so when I feel not too awful  I can paint in bed.I feel so cheered up and more positive about coping with my next chemo sessions.LOL Jill

Thursday, 14 November 2013

A world turned upside down for a while.

I was very calm and happy when I went for my last chemo session thinking it was all over.The session itself was the first one where nothing went wrong BUT when it was over the consultant came 
and sat on my bed and told me the 6 sessions of chemo had barely touched the tumour.I was very very shocked,I couldn't bear to hear it. But I did. I now have been given a 4 week respite to eat as many unhealthy foods as I can, I am having a blood transfusion once a week for 4 weeks and lots of other stuff.Then I have 2 scans early December and the following day meet up with the consultants to discuss what happens next. I have no idear how I will cope. I will of course have to but have been a misery for a while.I think its the loosing all control over your life which becomes 
dominated by the dreadful effects of the chemo.The one thing I do manage is to keep my journal going even though many pages are very shakey.I am more than grateful for friends who visit and my blogging friends.How I would survive without Tony I can't imagne,he continues to be amazing as do my daughters.

Sunday, 6 October 2013

I have felt  different this week,still the heavyness the tiredness gives me but I know it is completly normal.I have done so much this week and realised my head is full of ideas once more instead of
empty all the time.Its as if knowing tomorrow I will have my last chemo has freed me up somehow.I am dreading it but just maybe it will be problem free for the first time.
As soon as those first 5 days are over when I know I will feel grim
I am looking forward to changing the side panels on this blog then taking lots of photos. I have masses of lace and ribbons and have begun to measure it and sort it so Tony can put it on eBay for me.
I need to try to make a few dolls for a christmas sale if I can. I have walked in the wood a few times and it is very beautiful,full of ferns and copper coloured falling leaves,several neatly stacked piles of wood ready for the winter and of course the big white duck swimming on the Lavoir. He, we have realised is a she and seems to have no inclination to go as have the two previous ducks that spent time here.I am very happy about it because we and the village children get great pleasure from her.
I had another Reiki session today and was told there was a block around my heart which stemmed from low self esteem and if I just thought about how many people have visited me and so many other kind, kind people  who have taken time to wish me well it was about time I realised and  raised my self esteem.I will try.