My daughter took 3 of my paintings to England the time befor this weekend when she visited me.I had asked her if she could get them framed for me because here it is extremly expensive. She showed them to an artist ,Brian Oxley, I had bought a painting I love from him many years ago. She wanted advice on the framing,instead he framed them. He wrote to me saying they were excellent and would like to buy one if I were to bring some over next time I am in England. I have loved painting but since they are abstract essentially,well to me, sort of arranging colour I couldn't imagine anyone thinking they were good or even interesting .I put on layer after layer until a moment arrives and I know its time to stop.I wish I could download a photo of one or two but this computer still refuses to download them. .It gave me a huge lift. Tony hit on the idea of buying me a table like the ones they put over you bed so you can eat in hospital.I shall have one here so when I feel not too awful I can paint in bed.I feel so cheered up and more positive about coping with my next chemo sessions.LOL Jill
I was very calm and happy when I went for my last chemo session thinking it was all over.The session itself was the first one where nothing went wrong BUT when it was over the consultant came and sat on my bed and told me the 6 sessions of chemo had barely touched the tumour.I was very very shocked,I couldn't bear to hear it. But I did. I now have been given a 4 week respite to eat as many unhealthy foods as I can, I am having a blood transfusion once a week for 4 weeks and lots of other stuff.Then I have 2 scans early December and the following day meet up with the consultants to discuss what happens next. I have no idear how I will cope. I will of course have to but have been a misery for a while.I think its the loosing all control over your life which becomes dominated by the dreadful effects of the chemo.The one thing I do manage is to keep my journal going even though many pages are very shakey.I am more than grateful for friends who visit and my blogging friends.How I would survive without Tony I can't imagne,he continues to be amazing as do my daughters.
I have felt different this week,still the heavyness the tiredness gives me but I know it is completly normal.I have done so much this week and realised my head is full of ideas once more instead of empty all the time.Its as if knowing tomorrow I will have my last chemo has freed me up somehow.I am dreading it but just maybe it will be problem free for the first time. As soon as those first 5 days are over when I know I will feel grim I am looking forward to changing the side panels on this blog then taking lots of photos. I have masses of lace and ribbons and have begun to measure it and sort it so Tony can put it on eBay for me. I need to try to make a few dolls for a christmas sale if I can. I have walked in the wood a few times and it is very beautiful,full of ferns and copper coloured falling leaves,several neatly stacked piles of wood ready for the winter and of course the big white duck swimming on the Lavoir. He, we have realised is a she and seems to have no inclination to go as have the two previous ducks that spent time here.I am very happy about it because we and the village children get great pleasure from her. I had another Reiki session today and was told there was a block around my heart which stemmed from low self esteem and if I just thought about how many people have visited me and so many other kind, kind people who have taken time to wish me well it was about time I realised and raised my self esteem.I will try.
It is amazing that summer has gone and here it's becoming colder.I had 2 fairly minor op's straight after the last 7 hour chemo session.One in each shoulder and though both were done with local anestheticsI found myself completly knocked out for longer than usual.I only began to feel some interest in any thing a couple of days ago.But am up now and this morning was taken to a lovely man who did a wonderful relaxation session with me. Am still trying to eat more but not having as much sucess as I need.The doctor at the hospital arranged for me to have food supplements to eat along side each main meal.They are so unpleasant I just can't down them.So we have this huge box full and I don't quite know what to do about them.I know I should force some down but since very little tastes pre chemo days its even difficult to eat normal foods. My last chemo is next week,I hope the last one presents no problems,it will be very interesting to find out what a problem free session is like . I even went into my workroom this morning and looked through my many paintings .It was surprising how I picked up things that didn't seem rightand liked others more.I even felt happy thinking it won't be too long before I will be able to work in there again.
I knew it was going to be extremly hot just for yesterday.I have wanted to make some some prints all
summer but apart from that I am supposed to keep out of the sun haven't had the energy to do anything much.So I covered myself rather like a bee keeper grabbed the things I had put ready to use
and hurried up the garden,I had enough to make 2.Sadly dispite much searching I had lost Cas Holmes lovely book and couldn't quite remember what I had to do so I did each differently.Only one worked ,not brilliant but I did it!!
My hair is now beginning to fall out,I have been trying ways with scarves but I feel very self conscious so gave myself a talking too I either have a wig or its got to be scarves.The nurse that came explained that i should wash my hair in the shower with luke warm water and not rub it at all and best to avoid shampoo.You then pat it to dry out the excess and leave to dry in the air.The result is that not much hair fell out but my hair looked like it still need a wash Tony has just brought me a bottle of baby shampoo I will have a go sort of patting it into my head ,at worst it will just speed up the fall out.